All I Ever Wanted

[i swear i’m fully capable of

work-life balance.]

“Vacation” for me involves
being surrounded by loved ones,
but only a true vacation also involves a complete unplugging from all regular responsibility. 

I spent a lot of my annual hometown visit this summer worried that I wasn’t doing enough for my business, while simultaneously feeling like I barely had enough time to see all the people I only get the chance to squeeze once a year. This left even less time to enjoy my time away, because really no part of any of it felt like I was actually “away” in the way that people mean when they say vacation. I kept waiting for the right time to have some quiet time, some Me Time for rest & reflection, but every moment not spect actively [or even passively] engaging in my family or friends’ presence felt selfish, like a wasted opportunity that I wouldn’t ever be able to redeem once I go back to my life 3,000 miles away. 

 There were so many opportunities to create content or strategize for the upcoming season or stay on top of emails. Much to my chagrin, there is so much of running a small business that doesn’t happen in the physical presence of my sewing machines. Nearly everything I do correlates with the sustainable lifestyle I’m selling, because that’s actually what my day-to-day is like.

The hard part for me is remembering to [or rather, motivating myself to] capture it on film and package it as a clever marketing tool. I don’t like to be in front of the camera. By no means have I ever claimed to be a quiet person, but loud self-promotion feelsinauthentic and intrusive for me. The more I grow into myself, the more I realize how much “quiet” is essential to my well-being. What I do like—though perhaps not often enough or perfectly timed in the way I would hope—is sharing my successes and failures.

Those are the things that are easy to convey because those are the things that are real to me.

Here are a few of the failed social media opportunities I had planned to share with you while I was gone*:

1. Clips of different vintage & thrift shops I was visiting

2. How to make a successful thrift haul

3. Cute ways to travel using sustainable practices 

4. Packaging up an online order

5. Posting backlogged product shots with links to purchase on website

**Snippet of this list coordinates with photo dump of any/all content taken,
link to full blog on website

even as I’m writing this for my own piece [peace?] of mind,
I’m thinking of ways to make it integrate into something I can use on my website or social media.

[Goddess Forbid i write anything just for myself!; as “myself” is now “my business”, and the business demands
to be fed.]

ok truth be told: I love sharing my journey into sustainable entrepreneurship with anyone who will listen.
I just haven’t quite figured out a way to make the work-life balance sustainable for myself yet.

Maybe it comes with practice [more likely it comes with better discipline], but in the meantime I try to remind myself that every failed opportunity is the exact reason I’m working for myself instead of going the conventional route:
I don’t do well with routines or schedules or repetition.

I’ve never had a “real job” in my life.
I was raised in the restaurant industry & all the debaucherous rhythms that go with facilitating hired hospitality. I cut my teeth on on chaotic working hours, being your own boss, unpredictable income. The only thing that ever made sense to me was building a work life that you love so much that it doesn’t feel like work.

[Spoiler alert—even the best work can still really feel like work a lot of the time.]

i assume you don’t come here for the inner-workings of my mind.

Or maybe you do—bless your heart—but you’d rather see my neurosis fully manifested into a new design you can wear or use.

Maybe you come here to be kind?
For the unspoken politics of social media relations where you must
follow // like a certain number of your peers’ posts in order to stay relevant to the right networks for your own endeavors.

Maybe you’re friends with my mom and want to be supportive in the ways only Mom Friends can be. 

i sincerely hope you stumble across this while lounging on a temperate patio, actively avoiding your own remote work responsibilities. if so, please dm me.

when i don’t respond for 4 days, take sweet solace in the knowledge that we’re both doing the best we can.